Never Turn Back
by sisterg0ldenhair
Summary: A oneshot written about glimpses of Jackie's journey as she found herself a home.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters. Title is a lyric from Taylor Swift's song, 'Mine', which was the inspiration to this story.

 **Author's Note:** Hey, guys! How has your year been so far? I have a new oneshot that I split into two parts for everyone. The next part will be posted some time next week, as I am currently working on it right now. Let me know what your thoughts are by posting reviews, I always love reading them! I'm on Tumblr now if anyone wants to follow me, I'm stevenjburkhart there and I post edits, announcements and other stuff about my fics there! Thank you ever so much to _nannygirl_ for beta-ing for me (Check out Christmas With The Formans on her page if the Christmas spirit never left you!). That's about it, I guess. Enjoy!

* * *

She has never really understood what it meant to have a home.

When Jackie Burkhart was 6, she spent her birthday at a carnival, just a little bit outside of Point Place, with all of her friends and classmates. It had been a good day, but when the party came to a close, parents came over to pick her classmates up and she was left alone with her foreign caretakers. Her parents were gone, but they had promised to get her the prettiest, and frilliest pink dress they could find in Hawaii for missing her birthday. So, she figured, them missing her birthday wasn't really a big deal.

On her 7th birthday, she had woken up with her room covered in pink balloons and eight big boxes by the foot of her bed, all expertly and neatly wrapped in gold paper. She had ran excitedly down the stairs, clutching the two stuffed animals (a unicorn and a small teddy bear) and a porcelain doll in her hands that were some of the contents of the boxes, to thank her parents for the expensive and extremely wonderful gifts she had received. One of her nannies had greeted her with a sad smile on her face at the end of the staircase, telling little Jackie that her father had left early to attend a meeting, and her mother had went out to meet with a friend for brunch. Jackie had marched to her room with a frown, putting on the dress her parents had gotten for her on her past birthday. She had grown on it a little bit, but she didn't care because with the dress on, it made her feel like her parents were with her. As she stared at herself in front of the mirror, little Jackie had begun to think that maybe her parents being gone all the time was something she should start dealing with.

When she was 11, Jackie's teacher had ordered the class to share their favourite moments they had with their parents for an activity. One by one, her classmates had told stories about being on vacation with their dads, or their moms taking them out for an ice cream cone, and a frown on Jackie's face had appeared, only to deepen as each student shared their own experiences. She had excused herself and stayed in the bathroom for the rest of the period. She realised that the only moments she shared with her parents that she could think of was when they were giving her something expensive to make Jackie feel a little less bad for their absence. She had began to accept that her parents were never gonna be there for her.

So, she never really had a home, so what? Jackie had dealt with that fact already, and it was why she figured that she had to rely on her good looks and self-confidence to get through life. After all, what or who else would she run off to at the end of the day but herself?

She was a cheerleader; rich, popular, beautiful and all the boys fell to her feet every time she would pass by them in the hallway. Everyone loved her. What more could she ask for?

Despite the situation with her parents, Jackie had believed _strongly_ in true love and destiny, which is how she had landed herself a boyfriend in the form of Michael Kelso.

Michael, in Jackie's eyes, was her prince charming. He was beautiful, sweet and he was really easy to boss around. She had fun with him, and eventually, he had brought her down to that scrawny boy's basement where her boyfriend was always hanging around in to meet his friends.

By the end of the day, Jackie had concluded that she didn't like Michael's friends even a little bit. Jackie tried to play it off by claiming that it was because they looked poor and shabby, until she couldn't deny it anymore.

She was jealous.

Jackie had never seen a group of friends so closely knit before. The cheerleading squad was the closest thing she had to it— and they do nothing but gossip and talk about make up and the latest fashion trends. It was discernible to what Michael and his friends had.

She would watch Michael and his group playfully teases and "burn" each other, as they called it, and they had this very strong sense of camaraderie. She was so fascinated by it that she wanted to be a part of it badly.

It was in Eric Forman's basement that she decided that she was going to try and be part of this family. She had to be a part of _some_ family. After all, she was in a relationship with one of the key members of the group, it wouldn't be that hard to get in right?

* * *

Okay, so she was wrong. Michael Kelso was _not_ her prince charming.

It took her a while to figure it out, but she got there eventually. Jackie found out that Michael had cheated on her not only once, but multiple times with different girls. No wonder Hyde was always making her, Michael and skanky Laurie sit with each other all the freaking time. It was thanks to him, (or not thanks to him, Jackie wasn't sure yet) that Michael got caught.

It was then that it started to dawn to her: her life was a mess. Her parents were rarely present so she was always alone in their house, and her boyfriend was a cheater.

She couldn't believe he would actually do that to her. Sure, he had his down moments, but Jackie didn't think he would actually cross the line. She thought he at least respected her enough not to lie or cheat on her.

Jackie had cried, written in her diary, and cried some more. She felt betrayed and alone, again. He was supposed to make her feel like she wasn't, that was why she wanted a boyfriend and got him in the first place.

She stopped sobbing when she remembered that she had Donna. Jackie wiped the tears off her face and raced to the Forman's house, and then down to the basement, where she found Eric and Donna sitting closely by the couch. Immediately, Donna flashed her a look of sympathy, indicating that she already knew what had happened.

"Oh, Jackie." Donna gave her a pat on the back when Jackie rushed to throw her arms around her. "I'm sorry, midget."

"Man, you're the devil, Jackie," Eric eyed her in pity. "But even you don't deserve this."

Jackie had looked up to the both of them and gave them a wobbly, watery smile. It was nice to have people who had your back, so, she thought, she would probably be fine.

* * *

It was an incredibly stupid decision, taking Michael back.

It probably served her right to be alone once more, because now, he had ran off to California with Donna and she was left behind. Again.

Jackie was beginning to think that being alone was what she was destined for. It seemed like people kept running away from her. Maybe she just had to deal with it.

Then again, everyone had warned her about taking Michael back, but did she listen? No, of course she didn't. Donna had even been persistent on lecturing her about it, but she had insisted on getting back together with him, anyway. Jackie didn't want to tell her the reason why she just _had_ to be with Michael again because Donna might just lecture her some more with those feminist crap she was always going on about.

Michael Kelso, sure, was dumb, a liar and a cheater, but he was cute, sweet, she loved him… and he was _safe._ He was always there, and that was all that mattered to Jackie. She wanted to keep it a secret. If people knew, they probably wouldn't stop giving her crap about it. Jackie was only doing herself a favor, that was all there is to it.

"Hey," A voice coming from up the stairs caught Jackie's attention. "How're you holding up, man?"

Jackie turned to smile weakly at the only person she made an exception to the "don't-tell-other-people-why-i-want-Michael-back" rule.

"What do you think?" she replied, feeling irritated.

He made his way over and took a seat next to her, "We did warn you 'bout it."

"I know, I know, okay?" Jackie frowned. "Can we stop talking about it?"

"You're not thinking about getting back together with him after this, are you?" Hyde asked, completely ignoring her request. "Cause if you are, I think you should probably get your head checked."

"Steven!" Jackie exclaimed.

"Hey, man, I'm just saying." he put his hands up in mock surrender. "I keep telling ya that you're gonna find someone great, but you never listen. You got back with that kettle head instead."

Yeah, she called him Steven now.

He and Jackie have gotten closer over time, much to her surprise. He had taught her how to be Zen, and that maybe, not all boys were douchebags— Steven was the prime example of that.

If people looked past all the burning he was doing, he had a really good heart. It was why Jackie had developed a teensy weensy, tiny, little bit of crush on him when she and Michael were on a break. Steven pretends to be such a tough guy, but Jackie was able to see beyond that.

He was also there to comfort her, _him out of all people,_ when she and Michael broke up the first time. Steven had kept her company, despite his complaints about her being abrasive, because she would start crying when she would be left alone. He knew how much she hated being alone.

She hadn't forgotten that he had punched a guy for calling her a bitch, too. Plus, if going to jail for Jackie wasn't a clear enough sign, then she didn't know what was. There are plenty other little things he had done, a lot of other nice things that Jackie would always see him as someone bigger than a burnout. He was more than that. He was more than what everyone and Steven, himself, thought of him.

Because while she thought Michael Kelso was her prince charming, Steven Hyde was her knight in shining armor.

"No." she smiled at him. "No, I think, you're right. Maybe I'll meet this "someone great" this summer."

* * *

Jackie never saw it coming.

If someone had told her years ago that she would be spending her afternoon beside the lake with Steven Hyde willingly, she would have laughed at their face.

Jackie was focused on how the summer air made the water move slowly. They were sitting atop the hood of Hyde's El Camino. She could feel Hyde's eyes burning eyes on her. God, did he have to make her feel _so much_ all the freakin' time?

"So," he began, "is the water really that interesting that you've been staring at it for five straight minutes?"

She made a face at him, "Oh, shut up, Steven!"

He sniggered to himself and took a sip from the can of beer he was holding.

"Hey, I'm actually having a really good time." she admitted.

"Jackie, we haven't said anything since we got here."

She smiled to herself at his comment; it was eerily familiar to the one he had made on their first date during that one Veteran's Day.

"I thought you said talking was for people who had something in common?" she raised an eyebrow playfully. "Aww, Steven, do you miss hearing my sweet, angelic voice?"

"Shut it, Jackie." Hyde rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." Jackie said, maintaining her zen. She peeked at him through her lashes, pausing for a moment before continuing, "Steven, I'm cold."

"Jackie." He turned to look at her with a disbelieving expression on his face. "It's summer. You're wearing a tank top. It's not cold."

"Yeah, okay," she nods in agreement. "But I'm gonna get wind blisters and you know how much I'm trying to keep my skin moisturised and-"

"Oh god, I can't believe I'm out here with you." Hyde muttered under his breath as he got to his feet and opened the door of the driver's side of his car.

"Wha- Steven, where are you going? Come back, hey!" Jackie pouted as her eyes followed him. She clenched her jaw as she watched him leave her. _Calm down, it's not a big deal,_ she thought. _It's Steven. So what if he leaves you. He doesn't even-_

"Here." Hyde tossed a fleece blanket towards her direction, interrupting Jackie's train of thought. "Will you quit yapping now?"

"Oh, Steven, I knew I was right when I said you were sweet!" Jackie cooed at him and beamed. A little bit embarrassed that she assumed the worst of him, she scooted closer when Hyde sat back down to his previous spot. She put the scarf around her as they sat quietly for a few seconds. "Hey, Steven? I'm still cold."

"How can you possibly be-" Hyde was cut short when he turned to look at Jackie who was giving him her best puppy dog eyes. "Oh, man, Jackie, stop that."

"But Steven!" she pouted her lip for full effect, hoping that he would get the message. _Come on, come on!_

"Fine." He said, trying to sound grumpy but ended up laughing quietly. He put his arm around her shoulders and sighed. "Okay?"

"Yeah." she smiled to herself. With her chest pounding so hard she could here it in her ears, she placed her head on his shoulders and sighed in content.

"Uh, alright." he smirked, pulling her closer to him. "Enjoy it while it lasts, man, I'm not doing this again."

"Mhmm." Jackie hummed in mock agreement with her eyes closed.

"Plus, you were the one who wanted to come here in the first place. You can't complain about crap like this next time."

"Well, excuse me for wanting to see things other than Eric's TV, and wanting some fresh air, Steven! And my lips need a break from all the making out because you won't shave your beard! " she said defensively as she lifted her head so she could look at him. She was supposed to make a face at him, but she was met with his blue eyes piercing right through his glasses.

Her breath hitched. It felt like all the air inside of her body has been knocked out. _Oh crap,_ she cursed in her head, _is this really happening?_

It was like looking at him as though he was a whole different person, and she was feeling everything at once. Giddiness, fear, excitement, anxiousness... Jackie didn't think that was humanly possible before. She thought those existed merely in books, where romance was too good to be true, but she guessed she got another thing wrong again. This time, though, she supposed it wasn't too bad being wrong. It was just a crush, anyway. She just liked him. A lot. It wasn't like she was gonna fall in love with him, right?

"What?" Hyde asked, his face just a few inches away from hers. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Nothing." she replied as she closed the distance between them. "Nothing at all."

* * *

Their friends didn't take the news well when they found out about Jackie and Hyde hooking up.

They got so much shit for it the first few weeks that they were finally dating publicly, but their friends got over it eventually. Maybe it was because the news got old or, hopefully, they saw that Jackie and Hyde really were perfect for each other. Jackie hoped that they saw how happy he makes her. That was what was important, right?

She remembered the moment she realized she loved him.

They had all been at the basement, listening to Fez tell them an animated story about how he found this "incredibly good candy bar, he thought he was gonna die". Jackie had watched the rest of the group silently. They all had smiles on their faces. She remembered allowing her gaze to linger a little bit longer on Hyde, and suddenly they weren't just friends anymore, she didn't just like him anymore— it wasn't just a meaningless fling anymore. She remembered smiling to herself as she watched him laugh and tease Fez. God, she remembered thinking, he was breathtaking. She really hoped he knew that.

She remembered that it was the exact moment she had visualized their future together; they were out on their front porch, each on their own chairs, but connected by their hands. Jackie remembered wanting so much to wake up next to him, and to whisper incredibly cheesy things to his ear, sharing a private piece of herself with him that no one else knew about. She remembered wanting to make love to him, and wanting to look him in the eye while she told him she loved him. She remembered feeling a strong urge to scream how much she loved him right then and there; him, and only him, as much as she possibly could.

Jackie remembered feeling vulnerable and scared as she let herself absorb her new realization. She loved him so much and it scared her... how much more would he be when he finds out? What if he runs away, and what if she was left behind again? She couldn't let herself go through something like that again.

So, with a sinking heart, Jackie decided that telling him would just have to wait.

* * *

"And then she said that if I wanted him, I'd have to fight for him. But Steven, I know in my heart the only person I wanna fight for is you." Jackie told him with as much sincerity as she could muster.

"Really? Oh, boy! " Hyde said as he feigned enthusiasm. "You like Kelso but you like me a little bit more? What a bunch of crap! You know what I think, Jackie? I think the only reason you were with me in the first place was to get back at Kelso."

Jackie's heart dropped at his words. "Steven, how can you say that?! Okay, fine, you know what? Maybe I do have feelings for Michael. But what am I supposed to do? He was my first boyfriend. And you know what? You're gonna have to learn to deal with it. And if you cant, and you're gonna have to break up with me because of that, then I can't stop you. But I think it's a real waste because I love you."

The look on Hyde's face was something she'd never seen on him before. He looked like a little kid; hurt, confused and helpless. Jackie could tell that his guard was up, but the shock and softness in his eyes gave away the hard expression on his face and crossed arms. It was the first time she has told him she loved him, and maybe she should have done it sooner. She should have told him the moment she figured out and everything was all right, and nothing was a mess.

"I'm not saying it back!" he replied after a few moments.

"I don't care." she said truthfully.

Hyde's jaw clenched, took a deep breath and grunted, "Damn it!"

Jackie tensed as she watched him walk away and turn her back from her. She hated waiting and putting herself on the line like that, but she would do it for him.

He gave a big breath and walked over to face her, suddenly looking tired and exhausted, "So are we gonna go tot he dance or what?"

She didn't know she as holding her breath until she sighed in relief, "Oh, Steven." Jackie placed a soft kiss on his lips and put her arms around his neck to hug him. She felt his arms gingerly snaking around her back as Hyde responded to the hug.

He didn't say he loved her back, and surprisingly, it didn't bother her. At all. Or, well, not at that moment, at least. Jackie was just glad that she could finally tell him what she felt without worrying he would run away. She would go as far as saying he looked comforted when she said she loved him, so that's gotta be a good sign, right?

She snuggled close to his chest as Fez entered the room. Jackie was barely paying attention to what he was saying because all that mattered was being in Hyde's arms, and the safety and comfort she felt in them.

It almost felt like home.


End file.
